“And you are sincere—heartbreakingly sincere. But repeat them you do. And you do. And you do.” (Karlene B, He Did Deliver Me from Bondage, p. iii)
The word that really stands out to me in this quote is “sincere.”
I can’t tell you how sincerely I want to behave differently.
I’ve sincerely wanted to behave differently just about as long as I can remember.
I guess that is another way of saying, I have always been able to feel my conscience (the Light of Christ) prompting me to choose the right and do my best. In every situation, I’ve sincerely wanted to cooperate. But when moments of temptation have come along, my “wanting” has often disappeared and my willingness to do what I sincerely thought I wanted to do has evaporated.
Now, I’d think I was the scum on the pond, if I didn’t know there’s a place in the New Testament where Paul describes this exact same struggle. To paraphrase: That which I would do, I do not. That which I would not do (that I don’t really want to do), I do. (Romans 7:19)
God bless Paul for being so honest and imperfect in front of us. I am grateful to realize that even someone as powerful in his witness of the living Christ as Paul was could still admit to being so very mortal.
God bless Paul for continuing to do the best he could with what he had to work with—his imperfect but sincere self. Who can measure the good he did by not giving up on himself and continuing to share his witness of Christ’s perfection even though he himself was so imperfect.
That’s really all I have going for me. I am sincere. When I make foolish choices, I make them sincerely. I try to do right, but mortality keeps confronting me with the truth—I may be recovered, but I’m not transformed or translated yet.
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