In a recent Twelve Step meeting I attended, someone shared about how much it bothers her when she does things that hurt others. It just throws her into a terrible state of brooding, . . . upset, . . . temptation to use her addictive behaviors.
As I sit here and reflect on this truth in my own soul, I see that what she is describing is a huge portion of my own resistance toward God and of my subsequent pain—the pain that drives me back to my addiction.
The “want-to-be-perfect” child that I am is determined to do all that she can to never make a wrong choice. She has spent years being furious that mortality turned out to be a place where I’ve not only been hurt by others, but also a place where I’ve been the one who has caused others to be harmed. I don’t want to be a test or a trail to others!!!
Why? Why!! Why???
Why did I have to be so flawed and imperfect as a parent, as a spouse, as a friend? Why did I have to contribute to other people’s confusion, wrong beliefs and poor choices?
But then the Lord reminds me of the truth that I’m not locked into the wicked traditions of my parents. And it is just as true that my children aren’t locked into my poor example to them, either.
The Lord reminds me that the damage done by our poor examples is not irreparable. Those to whom we pass on our weaknesses can be healed.
I pray for the gift of patience to believe His testimony that those whom I’ve hurt will come to that place of readiness to be healed “in their own time.” In other words, they’ll come to Him when they’re ready, just like He had to wait for me to turn to Him when I was ready.
Part of “giving my will and my life (my whole soul) to Christ,” is accepting mortality the way the Father designed it and the Son implemented it. This is a world where I have to humble myself and accept that we all screw up—my parents, me, my children.
After I’ve accepted that truth, I can rejoice in the Greatest Truths of All—the mercy and love of God the Father and His Son Jesus Christ. When each of us is ready—my parents in the spirit world, me in the here and now, and my children when and where they’re ready—Christ will be right there to receive us and bring us safely Home to the Father, and to each other.
~Colleen H.
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