Yesterday, we discussed how recovery often comes in an ebb and flow pattern of sanity and serenity. We find peace through Christ, and then we wander off to try life on our own again. I have to confess that it has been very hard for me to accept that is is the way Heavenly Father arranged for mortality to be.
It has taken me years in recovery to surrender to the truth that perfectionism (lusting after the appearance of perfection) is one of my greatest mortal weaknesses. I want to look perfect or perform perfect and I want to do it ASAP—NOW! This feeling of impatience does not come from the Savior’s Spirit. I am the one (with the encouragement of the ultimate perfectionist, Satan), who demands perfection from me, from others, and from life.
In contrast, what is the Savior’s attitude toward imperfect people? Toward imperfect me? He loves me. He takes me back. He is ecstatic to have me return to Him. We pick up where we left off. I may have some amends to make to myself or others and that may take some time, but even in that He is willing to help me in every way I will let Him.
I stand in awe of His goodness! Is there any end to His humility, His willingness to receive me back and cleave to me? How many more times through this ebb and flow cycle will it take before I love Him so much that nothing will ever tempt me to leave Him? When will I enter into His rest and “go no more out” (Helaman 3:30)?
Someday.
But for now, I’m a toddler and unsteady. All perfection is His. “Come unto Christ, and be perfected in Him.” (Moroni 10:32)
That’s the only hope I have.
~Colleen H.
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