Hearthaven Publishing

12 Step Materials for the Latter-day Saint Community

A short and common definition of codependency is fearing others more than God.

We could just as easily replace the word fearing with the word believing.

Codependency is believing others more than we believe God.

For example, we may have troubled, angry, hurting parents who, due to their own pain, tell us negative things about our self. We tend to believe them. Or we may have an addicted, abusive spouse who belittles us constantly and tells us we are unlovable. And we tend to believe him or her.

But if we go to God and ask Him for the truth of their words, we can perceive through the witness of His Spirit to us that those negative things are not true. In contrast, we will feel His confirmation to our hearts that we are indeed lovable and that we are cherished, valued, and treasured by God—even though we are not yet perfect.

Then the question becomes, who will we believe?

To be free of codependency, we must make an active, concerted effort to believe God. Why? Well, first of all, God is beyond the veil, invisible to our mortal eyes, not in our faces—here and now—like our parents or spouse. For a second thing, (and this is probably more challenging than the invisible thing), God is kind. He is meek and mild. His voice is still and small. He will not cram His opinion of us down our throats. Meanwhile, you can be sure that Satan is not kind and he will dog us continually, making every effort to remind us of every negative and nit-picky thing any other mortal person has ever said to us.

To be free of codependency, turn to God. Don’t just believe in Him. Believe Him in this most important of ways—He loves and believes in you and your potential.

~Colleen H.

©2012 Hearthaven Publishing. All rights reserved.

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