The inclinations of my heart are changing—from the inside out.
Leaving behind my addiction is not an exercise of willpower or even a deliberate choice. It’s deeper than that. It’s simply a feeling of not being interested or inclined to do the thing that for years and years has been my automatic default mode.
I come to the moment when I would usually use my addiction. I may feel tempted. I may think the old thoughts that once enticed me and lured me into acting out.
But there’s just nothing inside me that is interested enough to “take the bait.”
Alcoholics Anonymous, the AA Big Book, gives us this testimony of the original AA members:
We see that our new attitude toward [our addiction] has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality—safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem [of being inclined to use] has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition. (p. 85)
Their testimony and mine are in powerful harmony. I am so grateful to God for His willingness to restore me to sanity, as I keep coming back to the truth and letting it find a place in my heart.
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