Today, I can say and truly mean it (and not take it back quite so fast), “Thy will, O Lord, not mine be done”  (Jacob 7:14).

Why? Because today I trust Him.

Why? Because today I know Him.

I have ceased to be like the good son in the Master’s parable, working in my Father’s kingdom, yet never exercising any faith in my Father’s goodness, always staying at arm’s length from Him.

How did I get to this place of assurance and peace, a peace that surpasses understanding?   I took Step One:

I admitted I was powerless over my compulsive addictive behaviors—that my life had become unmanageable.

I finally gave up trying to fix myself so that I could be proud of myself when I strutted, I mean, stood before God again.  I finally, like the prodigal, gave up my sin of self-reliance and self-sufficiency and crawled back to God.  Life finally hurt so bad, that it didn’t matter anymore whose fault it was—mine, my parent’s, my spouse’s, my child’s.  I needed to be healed or I’d die (spiritually, emotionally, and eventually even physically).

My attitude had to be, “God help me,… even if that requires disciplining me.  Do whatever You deem fit to do with me.  Just help me.” Like the prodigal, I had to be willing to be relegated to coming in through the servant’s entrance.

If you want to know what kind of reception I got from my Father in Heaven and Savior, I invite you to re-read the parable of the prodigal son in Luke 15.

Now ask yourself, “Which one of these sons showed the most faith in his father?”

Trust God in all things. 

If we practice trusting God, every day, we will eventually be able to also thank Him in all things, as well.  (See D&C 59:7.)  Our love for Him will grow until it consumes our disposition to do evil, and we’ll be left desiring to do good instead. (See Mosiah 5:2.)

Deep in our hearts, we’ll feel a song so still and soft we can barely hear it—but we can feel it—a song of His goodness and mercy.  Why?  Because we will have finally awakened to a love for Him as deep and real as the love He has always held out to us. (See Jacob 6:5.)

~Colleen H.

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